It’s Almost School Holidays. I was Going to Take the Kids Away but my Ex Won’t Agree.

School holidays can add to the tension between parents in separated families. Parents may have remarried and have blended families making it complicated to organise holidays away and juggle extra-curricular activities and holiday camps.

Easter and Christmas holidays may also have special significance for one partner or Passover for another. It may be important for one partner’s family to share Eid Al-Fitr at the end of Ramadan with your child.

Is there a Solution?

The stress can be reduced if parents agree to formalise the time the child/children spend with each parent. Instead of having to negotiate each holiday about the time the children will spend with each partner and with each other, you can enter into an agreement with advice from an independent and impartial observer.

The agreement can take one of two forms:

1.    A Parenting Plan; or

2.    Orders for Parenting filed and registered at Court.

The agreement can formalise the time the child/ren spend with each parent during the school term including weekends. Allowance can be made for birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and any day that is special within the family.

Parenting Plan

If parents can agree amicably to an informal agreement that is workable for all parties, a parenting plan is a flexible option. It can be changed to accommodate changing circumstances as needed.

The parents meet with a mediator and/or lawyers who advises about what is possible and practical. Each parent is able to input needs, availability, work schedules, travel plans and children’s commitments. It is a collaborative process that gives each party a voice and allows them to make a workable agreement that they can live with.

The majority of couples do not go to Court and manage to work out what works for all concerned. They plan ahead with a calendar and block out dates that are important, taking into account the changing needs of the children as they grow.

However, where there is such conflict that parties become intransigent and cannot negotiate it becomes preferable to work out Orders that can be made at Court.

Parenting Orders

To eliminate conflict and create certainty, parents can enter a formal agreement. This can be by consent, where the parents agree on the arrangements or the matter can go to a Hearing at Court where the Judicial Officer will listen to submissions from each parent, the Independent Children’s Lawyer (ICL) and any Court-appointed expert.

Parenting Orders can set up a regime that details when the children will spend time with each parent. This may include that the children spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with each parent on alternate years starting, for example, on the odd-numbered calendar year with one parent.

If parents have difficulty communicating the orders can include the method of communication such as text or email to confirm information about health issues or camps that the children are enrolled in.

Orders can also include that pick-up will be after school on the last day of term and changeover to occur at a neutral location such as a shopping centre or McDonalds in the presence of the grandparents so that the children are not exposed to any parental conflict. Pupil-free days and public holidays can all be accommodated within the Orders.

Where a child travels and restrictions on travelling overseas without agreement can all be included in the Orders. An Airport Watch list can ensure that a parent cannot take the child out of the country.

A Court Order is legally enforceable and each parent is legally bound to follow the Orders or be in breach which can have serious consequences.

Why are School Holidays treated differently?

The time children spend with the non-resident parent during the school holidays is generally for a longer time than during term. This may add further stress if work schedules mean that grandparents, day care or babysitters have to be organised.

The primary carer may also have work obligations and commitments.

However, this time can also be a useful springboard in helping the transition of the children as they grow up to spend longer time away from the primary carer and explore new experiences and learn new skills such as holiday camps where they can try a new sport or craft and meet other children in their neighbourhood.

In addition, by planning ahead, scheduling a break from work for the long holidays, the children and parents can enjoy time together doing activities that would not be possible during term. This may include travel away or just enjoying time together going to the movies, playing in the back yard and meeting the children’s friends. This is important to establish special memories with the children.

What if a parent withholds the child/ren during the holidays?

Clients may come to our office distraught that a parent has kept the children while on holidays in another city or state and enrolled them in a school in that area in breach of the Orders.

It is important to ascertain all relevant circumstances and if necessary make an Urgent Application for Recovery Order.

How can we help?

We can help draft orders that fit your circumstances, your religion and that of the children, the children’s education and anything special that needs to be taken into account.

Special circumstances can be accommodated such as a grandparent becoming gravely ill where an agreement between the parents can allow the children to visit the sick grandparent.

Please do not hesitate to contact us if you are having difficulties working out the time your children will spend during the holidays.